Star Wars Episode VII Teaser is just plain boring

I love Star Wars probably more than half of you can probably know. I grew up watching Star Wars on VHS and wondering how those two movies, Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back could end so tragically. I remember the day that my parents left a copy of Return of the Jedi (probably in 1986) in the house and I watch it multiple times back to back that day. I couldn't believe what I had seen. By the time I was 10, I could recite every line of Return of the Jedi from beginning to end. I remember paying a friend to buy me re-release tickets in 1997. I couldn't camp out for them because I was still in school. I also remember in 1999 when I was a senior in high school and my parents actually let me skip school to camp out for Star Wars Episode I tickets. I saw Episode I in theater more than 27 times that summer. I remember taking my daughter to the theater to see Episode I in 3D in 2012.

I love Star Wars. I never demanded that Star Wars fit my idea of what it was. I was happy to explore George Lucas's imagination. I did not condemn Ewoks as I know some had. I did not loathe Jar Jar to the point where I ruined the whole experience for myself and everyone around me like many of you did.

As an aside, my love for Star Wars is mostly limited to the films though. I love Lucasfilm Games/LucasArts games but I never fell in love with their Star Wars story lines. I never fell in love with the books or comics. The TV shows were enjoyable, but I hardly loved them.

But back to my point, my criticism of the Star Wars Episode VII trailer is hardly the criticism of a cynic who just loves to hate things. I was never the cynic condemning everything that wasn't The Empire Strikes Back, as many of you do. This is an objective criticism of a poorly produced teaser.

The teaser is just boring. It shows us nothing. Nothing of interest. Nothing new. Nothing to wonder about or get excited about. To demonstrate first watch the teaser as it exists:

Now watch my teaser for The Empire Strikes Back edited to match the same edits:

You see so very little of anything. In my edit you at least see the conflict between Luke and Vader briefly. You see nothing remotely that tense in the Episode VII trailer. Also the aerial acrobatics that the Falcon performs in Episode VII do not appear to serve a purpose and lack the clarity and style of a good Joe Johnston directed space battle like Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi had.

Now say what you will about The Phantom Menace, but that movie had a good teaser:

New environments! New Characters! Familiar characters with new faces! Battles! That is how you do a trailer.

I have demonstrated via parody and via contrast that the Episode VII trailer is boring. It is an objective analysis full of Truth. All objections to my arguments are born of confusion and hate of Jar Jar. That is the way of the Sith.